Help on revising a Letter (please read why before replying)

I would like help revising this letter so that it is more articulate and sincere. I have the jest of what i would like to say but feel that it can be revised and said in a better light. I want to be tactful, and polite, and sincere, while trying to get the compassion i need to take leave or get what i want please help and assist me in this manner. I am basically writing a letter to my boss.

From: PS3 (SW) Martevias D. Reeves

To: Commanding Officer Navy Health Clinic HAWAII

I would like to respectfully request to take terminal leave for the following dates 27DEC15 – 

08MAR16. I requested to have my Separation Orders six months early for my EAOS due to the 

fact that I have planned the next chapter of my life which includes my wife and two kids. My 

family has departed on these current orders. My wife recently accepted a GS-7 position with 

the Veteran Affairs and can’t officially start until I arrive due to the fact that I will be their 

primary caregiver. She could lose this job seeing that she has not started yet.  Our original plan 

was for me to be out by the 27th so that I could meet my girls in Georgia so that I could visit my 

family for two weeks which I have not seen in 3 years for the holidays.  I will be flying out from 

their so that I could get things stable before I start my next semester in school which is 11 JAN 

16. I am currently pursuing my Associates Degree and if I stay on track I will graduate by May 

2016. This is imperative to our plan because the ROTC program starts in OCT of next year, in 

order to attend the main campus I will need to have 60.00 credits or my Associates with a GPA 

of no lower than 3.0 for automatic acceptance. As of right now I meet all those requirements 

with a 4.0 GPA.  This will allow me to take a year off of ROTC and have a year within my 

Masters.  The reason this essential to my plan is because I want have to use my GI BILL until my 

ROTC program begins covering me for 36 months. To date I have used 45 days in trimming my 

leave to meet the fiscal year cut off of 60 days. To my knowledge I have followed the 

commands current instruction policy NAVHLTHCLHIINST 1050.1B when I started routing my 

Separation Package back in September. My family income will be based off my wife Job after 

MARCH and it is imperative that we stick to this plan.